Night Battles*

I never thought I could love this much. You make me everything I’m not. So much of who I’ve always wanted to be. So proud. You fight your sleep. I know you miss me. You have no idea how much I miss you. Love looks- your eyes never stop smiling as you stare at me….I’m rocking you to sleep in my arms.. your so big now… so heavy.
You push me- Keep me going with your little looks. “Mommy..” you say as I go to walk away. I’m trying to teach you but I just want to show you love. So, I wait. I’m right outside your door; waiting. If I go back in right away- you win. Oh, but I want you to win! I want you to know your loved and I miss you too! I know you need me more- I need you. It’s our little battle- night after night. I’m so tired but...
I understand your desire – to be held- rocked. It’s actually still one of my favorite things. Just ask your dad. He holds me close- we sway back and forth. “Carry me like we’re married” I always say. – hold me forever is what I mean.
I go back into your room. I lay my hand on your cheek- kiss you and whisper what you’ve heard since the day you were born; “Mama boy” I say it so quiet in your ear. You get comfy; you get really still and your eyes slowly shut- you’re asleep- content.
Our little fight- your little battle-every night. I love you so much Maddox. Someday you will really know. And yes, you do now but you will grow. You will realize; “Yes, mommy will battle with me but shes always there- she always comes back – she knows and I know that even with no sleep, with no one rocking her, she pushes herself and I love her for that.”
Soon Maddox our little battles will turn into other little challenges- Maddox you are already so strong willed. Just know that I can take it- you will respect me and know your limits. As I said “ You make me everything I’m not” You will continue to transform me into the most loving, strong, and secure woman I’ve ever known. If I can handle night battles with the one person I love more than this world- I can handle anything. Thank you for being such a blessing, such a joy- all my strength and my weakness combined. Good night my love- “Mama boy”
Love
Mom. 4-28-08